After numerous request in Texts, Calls, Emails, Telegrams, Letters, Couriers, Pagers, Morse codes and few court summons, I have now decided to translate “my most forwarded article of year 2008 in Tamil” with the title “Temporary Immigration” alias “An Episode from Episodes of immigrants”.
This article touches upon various aspects of typical IT professional come across during and after their onsite deputation/allocation in a sarcusstic (yeah, I do not know the spelling) and humorous way. It’s almost a decade now but nothing has changed yet for surprise. I will be removing the nativity and regional content while keeping the original content as it is.
Chapter one: Onsite – An Introduction
“Have you been to states before”?
“No, haven’t yet”. (Only States that we know are Bangalore and Kerala)
“Any other country”?
“No”
“Come on. You have enough experience, should have been to onsite at least once”
“Yeah … I could have been … but …”
– a typical conversation during tea breaks of any IT company in India
“Almost all my friends, batch mates are all onsite? mhm, my time is yet to come”
– a dialogue can be heard round the corners of IT building with a big deep sigh
“You know Anand’s son is in Antarctica… Sankar’s daughter is in Saudi… When is he/she travelling onsite?
– Relative’s tea time chat on this essential topic
ONSITE – An indispensable and most essential word in the life of a software engineer
OK, what is an Onsite?
In simple terms, Western countries are the Big Bosses and they will call for a tender of tasks to be accomplished by means of projects. Next moment, all the service industries will jump in and showcase their skills as if they can bend the sky like a rainbow with their Avengers team. Finally they either get the whole chunk of work or their respective shares based on Customer interest. If a job is capable of getting done by 20 people, then the company will send 3 or 4 people to be at onsite. They will be working with the Customer and getting the work done from 16 or 17 people from offshore and this is called onsite –offshore coordination.
Both Onsite and offshore teams collaboration will be typically as Mother-in-Law & Daughter-in-Law Relationship. Both the parties think the other end is singing and dancing for Jingle bells. So these Democrats and Republicans are always prone to friction initiating World War III.
So only those who make it to the list of 3 or 4 among the 20 matter here.
OK, what’s the big deal working at onsite?
– Earn 4 / 5 times more (but you have to spend in similar ratio)
– Will be positioned better in the market, both professionally and socially (wedding)
– Look and feel things that you have known only virtually, I meant in profession world
Once being at onsite, the next thing you should do is to post a duck face selfie in Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc.. etc.. in front of all tourist spots like Eiffel tower, Statue of Liberty, London eye, Mount alps etc.. etc.., to give acidity and get cursed at the same time. While fellow mates will be muggy in 100s you can post a picture playing in snow fall in Switzerland/Newyork, whiff!
Chapter two: Neo – The chosen one
Sending a resource to onsite from a management perspective is like getting a daughter married.
Convincing a groom’s family by saying things like “She is our elder one. A traditional girl, working professional, can sing and dance simultaneously, has all good qualities to gel with a new family”. The customer will be convinced and believe that he/she is the “Neo – The chosen one”.
Also, just like how a Bride’s family will not let their younger siblings to walk down the aisle before elder one gets married, likewise Management will not send a junior resource over a senior resource to onsite. Yes, Seniority matters the most here.
Once a project is confirmed, Management will call a couple of Neo’s and say “The Project “Neither coming nor going” which was in pipeline for a while has come now, so please be prepared for your travel” The next moment they will get on dreams with a smoke effect dancing in the Pubs, fun at night clubs, Driving a Jaguar, Riding a Harley Davidson with a white girl on the back seat etc., etc.,
In a few days management calls back and say “After Careful evaluations, various considerations and due to unavoidable circumstances we have to let go the other person go to onsite, so for now please continue your “Lovely Boredom” Project. Boom!!
Then it’s time to burst your dream bubble.
If a project’s onsite role is confirmed, all team mates will be excited. They will discuss their Holmesian Speculations about who will be travelling onsite but in the end the results will be favorable to the “Neo”. Management will always take a visionary decision favoring all the parties. But the team will debate on the decision for few tea breaks before eventually getting back to work.
“The Chosen one” who went to onsite will be listening to Billboard 100 songs shaking his legs but the ignored ones be listening to pathos for few days and back to patriotic mode, thinking about the pride and development of mother country.
Chapter 3: Visa Process
To become part of the Neo pool, one should get a valid visa or work permit to travel abroad. Timeline for this process depends on the country you want to travel to. For United Kingdom, it will be 3 to 5 weeks of process. While the infamous H1B visa for United States, it will be a yearlong process. By then you might get divorced, married again, struck by lightning, die in cancer, run over by a 407 tempo etc.,.
Every year, on an average 80 K visas are issued by US amongst which India and china acquires 70 – 80% of total share. One’s fate/fortune will be decided by a lottery based system on the cap decided by USCIS irrespective of number of visas submitted by a company in a year. Till the lottery results are announced, its almost impossible to plan and lead a normal life. Those who are concerned, well planned and very determined to pee under an abroad sky will be anxious but try to be normal until the results. These potential neos will roam around with a ditched dead face and behave like doped monkey that tasted ginger.
One fine day, selected candidates will be revealed and Neo’s will be called for the visa interview. After a very relaxed consulate interrogation, the passport will be collected for stamping making our Neo smile and heave a sigh of relief just as someone who is finally urinating after a stone problem or delivering a baby. While the consulate person causally ignores that smile and calls “Next please”. Unlike other visas, 95% of H1B visa will be issued with few exceptions requesting for an RFE (Request for evidence).
Once you get the Visa and become part of Neo pool, then you have to look for feasibility and availability of the allocated project which anytime is subjective to change and very volatile like mood swings. If by the time your passport arrives, the opportunity is still alive then you are good and wait for the day till the customer gives a nod. Now it is time to check with your supervisor when is your start date, they will respond to plan your travel on a Saturday but they will not reveal which Saturday, and well , we won’t ask either
Chapter 4: Final days before take off
Weekly count becomes daily now. You will be busy in packing, doing financial settlements and working out other logistics. Meanwhile, few of the friends will say things like “You didn’t tell us, but we came to know. Anyways safe travel” but then they are very well aware that last time you bid adieu to all but did not travel because of unavoidable circumstances, careful evaluations, and various considerations. All of a sudden your parents will visit you feeling delighted, emotional and concerned all at once. They will assume that we will work like NASA scientists launching rockets and missiles one per minute but only we know the kind of work we do. DAMN!
Daily count becomes hourly now, you will be in the last day before travel. Like how an easy winning match will be unnecessarily dragged to a nail biting last minute win, you will get to complete all NOCs, handovers, Forex & flight ticket collection, giving (!) a send-off party to your colleagues and friends in office. There might be some last minute proposals/ rejects, “Last kiss before the first flight” etc., Finally getting advice from your supervisor on cultural learning, Do’s & Don’ts like wash your socks daily, use deodorants, shave daily, flush the toilet properly, wait, wait., WHAT THE!!.
After all these incidents you will get a bit of confidence that you are travelling this time.
You might think that despite having everything ready and finalizing the travel plans why there is still a doubt and only BIT of confidence? Because there will be twists after this part of the story. There are instances where people gave treat in the evening but will be sitting the next morning before you get into office in their cubicle with an expressionless face, like Jack Dawson loosing Rose DeWitt gotten sunk in the sea. This is even better, there are even stories people have been called off who got boarded into connection flight stating the customer has changed their mind at the last moment. So if your stars are not aligned you will get bitten by a dog even while sitting on a camel.
Chapter 5: Moments before take off
We will be getting ready for the travel with an uncertainty. On the final day before travel, we will be swimming in the pool of checklists, suggestions, precautionary measures, pieces of advice, do’s and don’t’s from your friends and well-wishers. Some will give suggestions based on their experiences gathered from a friend of an acquaintance’s relative. As suggestions pour in, we keep adding items to our baggage until finally the rectangular shaped check-in luggage starts looking like an amoeba. Well, good luck carrying that bag without it breaking open! Of course we can’t sleep on time so the journey starts with a sleepless nights and out tired self. Most likely that we will reach the airport before 2 to 3 hours.
Hourly count becomes minutes now. Situation suddenly will turn out to be like “A Walk to remember” movie climax, the moments in which we can even hear the sound of silence. All those trolling friends will suddenly behave weird like a grown up men kindly requesting us to take care. Warm hugs all around, a kiss from your mom in the last second. With a heavy heart, we will be waving our hands to our dear & near ones and fade out into the crowd.
We will be waiting on the lounge after completing all security and immigration formalities for an hour. That’s when we will realize that we are isolated and an empty feeling will cripple us. We are leaving “us” outside the wall while preparing to be a new person and ready to embrace new culture and build new relationships. It’s both exciting and fearful. We will certainly be missing our friends/cousins wedding, celebrations at native, Morning FMs, First day cinema, overnight meaningless chats with friends, bike rides etc., Time will fly in the last minute phone calls while waiting for the final boarding call. Finally your gate will be opened and you will board the flight. Within few minutes after take-off the town will shrink into a dot and all we can see are the clouds reflecting the emptiness within us. Sigh!
Chapter 6: First flight atrocities and Immigration Checking
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Ok, ok I will let that emotional guy inside me to shut up
Kids will be sitting with an empty face like their first day of Pre-KG but Men who were known as tough cookie will be weeping like a baby inside the washroom secretly
And then there are Legends who will be planning on what to drink in-flight. Will it be Vodka with White Rum, Scotch with mango juice, Red Wine mixed with a beer and champagne? They will also trade an ugly smile for additional drink with strangers sitting next to them.
Some will be sitting abnormally quiet and try to behave as a gentle man. If you keenly observe, a beautiful girl will be sitting by him. They will drink even the neem oil with any alcohol brand in liters back in town but when airhostess serves the drink, they will say “No thank you, I am not used it” looking at the girl with a proud smile. As usual she will ignore him and continue to read the novel with the headphones plugged into her ears.
By the end of disturbed sleep, a novel reading, some music listening and watching a boring movie we will reach the destination.
Next is the important phase of your travel, IMMIGIRATION CHECK
Some Tom, Dick or Harry officer with a warm welcome smile (!) starts firing his questions in a local accent. Keep in mind most of us are hearing this language in this accent for the first time
“!@#!# %$^#@#!@# ^%#$%&^* ^#$@#@”
Thinking “WHAT! Plumbing problems at home” and asks Pardon me
“!@#!# %$^#@#!@# ^%#$%&^* ^#$@#@”
Thinking “WHAT! Pope turned Buddhist” and asks Pardon me
“!@#!# %$^#@#!@# ^%#$%&^* ^#$@#@”
Thinking “WHAT! Trump resigned yesterday?” and asks Pardon me
“!@#!# %$^#@#!@# ^%#$%&^* ^#$@#@”
After a series of ‘pardon mes’, he finally deciphers the statement from the officer and says “Oh, I am working for XXX and XXX is my sponsor” and gets the passport STAMPED again.
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